I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
