i permit you to call me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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