grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
