does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
