my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
