So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
