This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
