YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
