I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
