Buhtt sex?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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