Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
