Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Terrible idea I love it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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