can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
