But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
