My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
