remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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