i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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