so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
