so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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