Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My feet surprised me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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