The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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