dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
