I just pynch a tree in the face
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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