I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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