i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
