Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My vagina just recognized that song.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
