when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
