$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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