I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
