Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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