somebody snuck up and got me drunk
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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