She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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