I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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