It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
