Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
