what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
