If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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