That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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