As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
