: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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