Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
