So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
