Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
