Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I will be naked everywhere
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
