The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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