I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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