So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
