i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
