He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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