I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
